her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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