i would punch a child for taco bell
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
