Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
