In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize