I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
