i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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