plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
