I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
