I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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