So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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