I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
