i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My bed smells like the plague
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