Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
