tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
