Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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