My balls are so social today.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I will be naked everywhere
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
