totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Randomize