There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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