Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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