i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
