but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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