remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
