the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
