Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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