Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Who died my cat blue again?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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