Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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