I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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