I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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