First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize