If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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