who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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