we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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