Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
