so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
