A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
