The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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