guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
