It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
