the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
