Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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