After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
