Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
