I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
