omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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