I cockslap morals
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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