no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize