All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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