high people should be assigned attendants
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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