I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
