you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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