I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
