i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
