did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i would punch a child for taco bell
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
