Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
