To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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