Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
You don't make any sense
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