yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
did you just send me my own nude
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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