We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize