I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
