I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize