oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
