can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
