Swine flu. Run for my life!
She said her name was "party"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
