he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
