She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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