He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
