I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
