Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
