Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
