Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
