I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Randomize
