We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
