A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
