im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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