well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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