I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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