I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
