So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
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