First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
wow bdsm is so cute
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
