Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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