i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
